There is so much having sex on your wedding night chatter on the internet. Which is a good thing; whether it’s your first or hundredth time, together or separately, there are questions and suggestions and conversations happening about your specific situation.
But with all that talk comes pressure. Expectations. The pendulum seems to have swung from “just assume wedding night is about doing it” to “OK, statistics tell us that very few people are actually doing it” to “well, that means we need to try harder to do it.”
The internet tells us: wear lingerie. Sprinkle rose petals on the duvet. Save some sexual magic tricks just for wedding night. Get a suite with a fireplace, damn it!
But here’s the probably reality, if you’ve had any sort of multi-hour wedding event: you’ve had 9364 conversations with everyone from your wedding coordinator to your boss’s wife and your second cousin’s husband. You’ve kissed, hugged, and happily glad-handed, for 8 hours, or more. You’ve cried, belly laughed, and rolled your eyes. And to be honest, you’ve probably spent precious little quality time with your new spouse. Oh, and you smell.
But as soon as you peel yourself away from your guests and head back to your hotel room, guess what? IT’S SEXY TIME. TAKE OFF THAT 47 POUND DRESS AND GET ON IT.
This, frankly, is ridiculous. If you’re one of those people with boundless energy or are most excited about the wedding night portion of the events or just feel like doing it because you’re in the mood, then godspeed. For some, wedding night sex–and copious, steamy newlywed sex, for that matter–just isn’t that important. This doesn’t mean that those non-wedding-night-sex-havers are doomed to a relationship of miserable nights and lack of sexual connection. This idea is also ridiculous. In very few circumstances do the events of one night–car crashes and armed robbery?–define an entire life. This, friends, is not one of them.
If you are just too exhausted/pensive/emotionally jacked-up/wired to do it on wedding night, then don’t. Do it tomorrow! Or the next day! Or both! The beauty of being married, you see, is that you have an entire lifetime to take care of business.
There. I said it.
Just because you bought lingerie doesn’t mean you need to use it. Just because you have a fireplace doesn’t mean you need to roll around on the bearskin rug.
The bottom line is that if you feel like having sex on your wedding night, then have sex. If not, then don’t have sex. And don’t let the wedding industrial complex, of which we are a sane, commonsensical part, guilt you about your choices.
Sex on your wedding night? We think it’s important, and worthy of a bigger conversation. Hopefully this will be the beginning of a series of posts discussing sex, and how to have those important conversations before your wedding day.